Starting Somewhere

So many journals I did not write.

In the second grade, I kept careful track of the ping pong games I played against my opponents-- the scores, the sequences, my deep desire to be better at ping pong than my siblings, who were generally better natural athletes than I was.  My tiny pink embossed journal was the only witness. It was almost enough.  Since then, I guess I've been busy. I am thousands of days behind.... so where would I even begin? But, that is the question that led me away, and I decided today, for whatever reason, that I would go toward, not away.

 A long talk with a new friend reminded me that there would never be the precisely correct time or place. If I kept waiting for that moment, it would pass me by, as it has over and over again.  Images I noticed and  gradually forgot.  Words my own children spoke that eventually evaporated. The shadows are left, but they are not enough.  If I am ever going to write, it just has to be now, as random and imperfect as it is.  So today I placed myself in the middle of the public library and told myself to begin. Now.

I will write in order to think about the way things connect -- past and present, known and unknown, sad and funny, true and false -- and maybe the way they diverge.  I like grey much more than black and white. I think the world has gone a little crazy in ways that are both obvious and ignored. I'm not sure what the point is -- I'm really not sure at all.  But, I am hoping there is something worthwhile to be found in the balance.


These posts are really thinking quietly, not quite out loud, but out there, in the event they can connect more than just for me.

If there is a theme, it will be loosely tied to the notion of balance -- seeking it, finding it, losing it, recognizing it, throwing it off, and sometimes just wondering what it is.   At the end of each (or most) posts, I will attempt to offer a "balancing act" -- a way of being or doing that follows from the text. Believe me, these will likely be as much suggestions to myself as to anyone else. Something to consider, not an instruction. Honestly, it's just an idea. Balance is a process...